we have pet lesbian snakes
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
