i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
