yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
