I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
