I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
