someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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