Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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