I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
