I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
