his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
