Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
