he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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