dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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