I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
