Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I currently don't understand fingers.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
