Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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