yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
