TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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