dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
