Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
