Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
