I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
