I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Randomize
