So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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