I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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