Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
