this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
