Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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