I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
