My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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