its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
