Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
