I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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