i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
