I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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