No more Irish car bombs ever.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
