He kissed a someone with a penis
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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