thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Even my vagina gasped.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
