I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
