my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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