I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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