I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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