capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
