...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
