All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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