Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
