I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
