Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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