please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
