My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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