you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
