I should be sponsored by Trojan
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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