I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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