youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize
