Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
