At least make sure they are 18
Why
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
