like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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