you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
